Three point one four, is that love knocking at my door…

Please text me first, lol

Last night, I believed you would have arrived or made yourself known to me. Rising today, I'm reminded of the foolish dream I keep secretly hidden in my heart. Maybe Venus is still pissed at me lol, I thought Saturn might return a blessing to me, but alas, on Neptune I still wander.

So many times I wanted to scream I love you, wanted to hold your hand, and even have a glass-breaking drag out fight! Anything to process the passion and desire that consumes my soul, anything to stop this ache, the ifs and should haves, the fucking fuckness of my thoughts and actions being deliciously fueled by hopeless optimism.

I've heard what is it about a kiss?

I always think about your eyes. People seem to adore your body, but I know it's more than that. It's your soul, the fire that shines from your being. Your kindness, intelligence, and compassion are disguised beneath all the curves and painted lines.

I believe you're sought after because of your heavenly value, not just as a commodity or a pretty face, but for a resonance we subconsciously recognize as unconditional love. People may not be aware of it, but it's there. You have a destiny to bring change, unity, and opportunities for those who would not have tasted freedom unless you walked into obligations, restrictions, and exploitation.

I pray you make it; you far exceed any vision or prophecy.

You remind me of the woman and the alabaster jar. I weep to think of all the love you will share despite the darkness you have had to keep.

I would be honored to wash your feet. As so the woman is remembered and honored, so shall you.

It's only weird until we hold hands.

All the fluttering and butterflies bring excitement and curiosity to the dream between us. I fear you'll find the peace between us boring, lackluster, and not designed.

Toxicity is infectious not only to transmute hate but also to feed lust. I used to think peace was a trick, my foe, something that did not register,because, I've always been at war.

I don't persist in pursuing because I have only love, a willingness to change and grow with you, and a soul that would strive to be honest with you even at a great cost.

I don't persist in pursuing because I bring baggage, my body is damaged and stained, and my soul is shattered and constantly evolving.

I don't persist because you desire control, you desire safety, and the detachment of power in the relationship to guard your heart. I know this because I'm the same as you.

I want control, I want my way, I want what I deserve! Especially from you!

True, it could be a sense of fear about the breaking of my soul that I would experience if you left again. In a way, it's easier to love you from afar, to live in a fantasy.

At this rate, we won't hurt or be hurt by each other. But likewise , we won't fully grow.

I believe we must humble ourselves before each other and accept and give areas of our lives we both hold as deal breakers, red flags we would set of fire and shove up oneanothers —-. This would be one of our greater victories, yet our ultimate illusion masking our purpose if not settled.

A relationship between us can represent the power of divine love, fear of condemnation overcome by the conviction to liberate. Our differences reflect the divisions in the world.

Political, spiritual, relational, in all areas, we hold very strong and opposing stances. We are perfectly imperfect for each other in the flow of Love.

It would not be easy.

I accept at some point, I will have let you fly as the free bird you are, experiencing the loss of you once more. I will lose my friends, family, and past lovers who will not see the mending of consciousness within our union and be left alone to heal as you flyaway. Your worth it, the frequencies we will realease in the earth are worth it, if my death in you brings life, then the mantis I become.

We are like royalty from rival kingdoms who find love with each other.

Yes, I can hurt you because I know how, yes, I can rip your soul to pieces just because I want to, and yes, I can use the love that connects you to my soul as a gallows noose.

And yes, you're the same to me.

I used to be like King Arthur, who would be destroyed by the love of Sir Knight a lot, but now, I appreciate the freedom to let you love another. It still hurts and I think about the knife but I’m free to love you in more ways than before. I could never love another the same, but I could love nonetheless.

I want to say so much and yet nothing at all. It’s just my imagination, a hurt child looking for nurturing, a body deprived of intimacy.

But I keep loving you and because, believe it or not, I keep loving myself…

Maybe we would faint. Maybe we would hate after all the time apart, maybe we end up passionately exposed, or maybe feel nothing at all but an acknowledgment of respect, and surrender to acceptance and intention to be a safe place for ourselves.

I don’t know but want to find out.

I’ve taken control, the thing you fight for but innately crave to follow. A contradiction I know, but it’s a mechanism to feel safe. I go through the fucking same thing, just looks different.

I give you control to reach out, to make another step because our souls have already danced in which I asked.

Be brave, be bold, be okay with the mysterious.

Even if we hurt we will always help one another heal. It’s in the stars

I love you so much.